When I was young my father was a deacon of a Presbyterian Christian church. We went to church on Wednesday evening, Sunday morning, and Sunday evening. I was enrolled in the small private school that the church had. We did evangelizing on Saturday mornings after pancake breakfast. So I was in church every day of the week. All our friends were members of the church. Total immersion.
As I started learning to read and going through school my father made me read books on John the Baptist and Peter and Paul...I don't remember the details on those books, just that I had to read them between 6-8 years old and the content was for adults. Very heavy reads for my young mind.
I even remember once when I learned the lords prayer and got to go to the local amusement park and one night I forgot some of the words and got punished for it.
My father is a good man, he always meant the best.
Around the age of 11 there was a falling out with the church, I didn't know the details until recently (28 years later). When that happened all church ended - I changed to public school, we stopped going to church (amazing how much time that freed up), we even stopped praying at the dinner table and at bedtime. We never saw our friends again...completely cut off.
Turns out we were excommunicated for not tithing enough and for drinking beer. Silly church rules. My dad had to feed a family and pay bills and believed if water was turned into wine then beer should be allowed. He can even point out the locations in the bible where alcohol was consumed and allowed.
Over the years I tinkered with religion and different churches. Non denominational, Episcopalian (my spouses religion), and Presbyterian again. Never liked any of the churches I explored or the commitment required. Instead I forged my own path, I made decisions for myself regarding how I conducted myself in all aspects of my life. I made moral and ethical decisions. I chose to be honest, to work hard, to treat people with respect, and on and on.
Recently a good friend gave me a new word - Pagan. Not something I had heard before which may sound strange. But she was Pagan and I looked into it because I was curious as to what that meant. And accidentally Pagan is what I realized I was just in lifestyle. At least from a basic perspective.
So I dug in - research, lifestyle changes, cementing choices in my life, making new lifestyle decisions, giving into the 'fun' aspect of worship and collecting an assortment of tools to aid in my spiritual path.
Eclectic Pagan is the official term if I had to call myself something. Nearing the end of my first year and a day now - I still have so much to learn and so much more to practice. I am drawn to Wicca and Buddhism. I love Eastern philosophy and Western philosophy. I read about Christians and Muslims too because to know the differences strengthens my beliefs.
I learn the rules to guide my life and practice them regularly. And sometimes it is so hard. Negativity in the media and at work, setbacks in life - all that drags you down into a pit of despair if you let it. But keeping my mind on my spiritual growth keeps me from sinking into that muck much better than not having it in my life.
One of the biggest things I have learned is that my path is my own and it's perfect for me. But it is my own and no one else is on my path but me. We all have our own path and that...is just the way it is supposed to be....it is okay.
That's beautiful!
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